On The Eve of My 30th Birthday

Tomorrow, I turn 30. Some say a big birthday can be bittersweet but, for me, it is just sweet. I have felt 30 for the past several years. It probably happened at the same time I began to enjoy red wine. What elevated taste I had! While my friends were ordering Riesling and Moscato, I was ordering Pinot Noir or Cabernet Sauvignon. Then came a time when that wine was better enjoyed in the comfort of my own home than at a loud bar. And finally, a time when that wine had to be enjoyed in moderation as to not waste my entire next day. I have enjoyed growing older and I hope to be one of those women that age (pun intended) “like a fine wine.”

To celebrate this milestone, I wanted to reflect on some of the things I have learned in my 30 years. Yes, this is a shameless vanity post about how wise and mature I am, but I am also fully aware that I know next to nothing now and that I will look back on this and laugh at how witty and enlightened I was trying to be. So, here are 10 reflections before I turn 30.

• On family. I was once a bratty teenager who was ungrateful to her parents for being strict. As I grow older, I have learned to appreciate my family, especially my parents. My parents immigrated to the United States when I was a little girl. My mom was 27 years old when she left Poland to start a new life here. I cannot imagine making the decision to leave my country to chase a dream that is so uncertain. But they wanted what was best for me and my siblings and they took a chance. They worked hard, saved money, and instilled a lifelong passion for education and bettering ourselves. They helped me financially and emotionally through my childhood and adulthood. They gave up so much so we could have so much more. I really can’t thank them enough.
• On friends. A good friend is like family. I used to work so hard to maintain relationships that were toxic. Over the years, I have cultivated my small group of friends to be people I truly enjoy spending time with. As I get older, some friends have moved, some have passed, and some are too busy to talk too frequently. I am no longer in college when you could pop in to anyone’s dorm or apartment and have someone to hang out with. Friendship, now, takes effort and meticulous planning, so it is so much more important to nurture my relationships with those I truly care about. I no longer feel bad about eliminating someone from my life.
• On my husband. I got married about five months ago to my husband on our six-year anniversary. I never thought I would be the person to have a big, expensive wedding. I was regretting the decision until the very day. And then, I married my husband and those regrets instantly went away. Marriage and relationships aren’t easy and there are days when we are not at our best. But, as long as you both want it, you can make it happen. We have a long way to go and we have much to learn about being together. We work on our communication skills and try to improve on the foundation that we have built. He is a wonderful person. He is smart, and funny, and honest. He pushes me to experience new things and stray outside of my comfort zone. He is also the reason I agreed to get a puppy, our beautiful fur-child, Ava. He is the person I want to experience everything with and there are still moments that I am amazed at how much I love this man.
• On my Board of Directors. I recently went to a women’s networking event where the speakers of the event instilled the idea that you need a “Board of Directors” in your life. As a corporate paralegal, this immediately resonated with me. Your Board are the people closest to you that can steer your life in the right (or wrong) direction. These are the people that you confide in, both personally and professionally. I have been always led to believe that I am in charge of my own destiny but, the truth is, my life has been significantly shaped by my Board. These people have been family, friends, my husband, as well as several professional connections I have made. They have had my best interests in mind and I will be sure to, from now on, be more mindful and grateful for these individuals in my life.
• On my career. When I was getting my paralegal certificate from Loyola University Chicago, my long-term goal was to be an in-house corporate paralegal. I have reached that goal before the age of 30. I have hopped around a lot in my young career and, at first, I felt guilty. I should stay loyal to my company and be rewarded in return. But I soon learned that this was not the case. I had to do what was best for me and look for a position that valued my skillset. As soon as I felt that skillset was being taken for granted without the proper compensation, I learned to move on. I am very happy in my current position and I now understand I would never have gotten there if I hadn’t had the courage to let go of a previous job.
• On my mental health. I am an anxious person and that anxiety can spiral out of control. I’ve seeked professional help before. I have since gotten significantly better at controlling my anxiety as well as taking some “me time.” Learning to identify when my anxiety is flaring up, along with being proactive on lowering my stimulants, has been a learning exercise. I have not mastered this skill, but I now understand that sometimes, stepping away from something is the best thing for me. Having my dog, Ava, at my side has been a great comfort as well. I still have not registered her as an Emotional Support Animal, but she is truly one of the best things to happen to me and just holding her furry giant head lowers my heart rate.
• On my physical health. I used to exercise and eat healthy so I would look good. These days, exercising and eating healthy are necessary for me to FEEL good. Don’t get me wrong, I still care about my physical appearance (in a less vain way than before), but I find that a poor diet and lack of exercise make me sluggish in a way I didn’t know existed in my early 20s. I can no longer have a cheat day unencumbered. It is now limited to a cheat meal. And yes, I am writing this as I eat a pint of ice cream and drink a bottle of wine. It’s my birthday.
• On sleep. I would describe my college career as an all-nighter. My last semester I took 21 credit hours, 3 of which were an internship of about 150 hours – UNPAID. Needless to say, I didn’t sleep much that semester, and my other semesters were not exactly Sleeping Beauty worthy either. I was an international studies major so it included a lot of reading and a LOT of papers, all of which take time. And I am a slow, meticulous reader. And don’t even get me started on writing. Fast forward 8 years, and I have to call in sick if I had a restless night. I’m joking but, in all seriousness, sleep has become so important to both my mental and physical health. A bad night of sleep means a bad day at the office and a bad workout at the gym. It means choosing fast food over a healthy meal and, as you may recall, we can’t have many of those anymore.
• On my past. We all have embarrassing things in our past. When I started dating my now husband, there was a lot I didn’t want to tell him. I wanted to start fresh and to be the person I wanted to be. But, slowly, he discovered the terrible and dark things I had been hiding and he continued to love me. Convincing myself that my past has made me the person I am in my present was a long journey. There are still things I don’t like to talk about or would prefer not to admit, but I’m slowly learning that those things don’t matter.
• On my future. I have led a good life up to this point. This is thanks to my family, friends, husband, and coworkers. My husband and I plan on starting a family in the next year. I am grateful I waited until my 30s to do so. For financial purposes, but also because I feel more mentally prepared. I don’t know where my career will take me, but I know that I will have my hands on the wheel. I intend on spending more time with those I care about. I intend on reading more books and learning new things. But mostly, I intend to choose what is best for me and to not feel guilty about my decisions.